Life Experience, World

Valentine’s ~YAY~

Last year I posted a little something about self-love for Valentine’s Day. I’d decided to spoil myself by eating a tonne of chocolate, watching an excellent film and tucking into a yum takeaway, because it was my first Valentine’s Day for a while that I’d been single. And it was GREAT.

This year, I’ll be not-so-single on the 14th. However, that doesn’t mean we’ll be fighting for candle-lit tables, spreading rose petals on the duvet (messy), or being generally heart-eyed and gooey. We’ve booked a table in our fave restaurant for a few days before V-Day and I’m going to try my hardest to enforce my biblical rules for the day, which I drew up last year:

  1. Clear at least an evening of any plans or work
  2. Line up a few of your favourite and most-loved films or TV shows
  3. Get in your favourite food, whether that’s something you love to cook, or ordering from the Chinese takeaway down the road
  4. Add some snacks to your shopping list – my favourites are cookies, shortbread, Magic Stars, Galaxy chocolate and Kettle Chips (maybe not all at once!)
  5. If you drink and, like me, love a good rose, get in some of your favourite alcohol that you wouldn’t normally have during the week

The great thing about these ‘rules’ (lol) is that you can be chill and do these whether you’re tucked up on your own or not. I’m adamant that these are still my plans, and that Valentine’s Day should also be a day of self-love, no matter who you spend it with.

You might have a partner-in-crime, but don’t you dare start neglecting no.1 (that’s you).

Life Experience, Writing

2018

It’s a while since you heard from me.

Things have changed. In fact, a lot has changed. I’ve changed.

For the better.

Last year was my favourite so far. It involved a tonne of holidays, fantastic friends, romance, personal achievements and more…

This year is off to a good start.

I’m writing more, doing more, seeing more, saying more, trying more, and caring less.

Caring less about what other people think, caring less about beauty standards, caring less about what’s expected of me as a graduate.

I’m flying.

And I’ll continue to fly through 2018, with myself and those close to me as my focus.

I want to blog more, but fiction writing is where my heart lies, so that’s what I’m doing. But I’m still here, don’t worry about me.

My blog is still live and I’m still taking care of it.

I’m happy.

Film, Life Experience

One for the History Books…

Sunday 20th August is going down in history as one of the greatest days of my life, and I know this already because it will be the day that I finally pick up my very first, very own, not-very-new car!

I passed my test in mid-July after taking double lessons every week for 6 months and since then I’ve been driving my Dad’s car to and from my Nana’s, to the shops, to see friends and to pick up my sister from work – nothing too exciting unfortunately. BUT the point is that I am driving after being desperate to for years.

The independence you get from driving is incredible, there’s nothing else like it, especially when you’ve relied on England’s horrendous public transport every day, or have had to beg for lifts when the usually buses fail. It feels like something people take for granted, but I’m still amazed that I can literally hop in the car and go wherever I want, whenever I want.

I feel that a lot of people do actually take driving for granted, and see it as a right more than a privilege, which is a shame. I’m sure you know that when you’re a learner, you experience a lot of aggression from people who might be annoyed that you’re going as fast as the speed limit, or get frustrated if you stall the car, somehow forgetting that they were also a learner driver once.

Since passing, I’ve had a green P plate fixed to the back of the car which I’d like to think creates a bit of a bubble around me (it doesn’t); but in theory it serves as a warning to people that I’m still finding my feet with driving a car on my own without the observations of an instructor. However, it by no means curbs any aggression from people. Sometimes, it actually makes it worse, but getting a thicker skin while driving is something that I’m definitely working on each time I’m on the road.

Back to the excitement however, all that aside, by Sunday evening I will be the proud owner of a little A-B, runaround vehicle, my very own bright blue four wheels! I can’t wait, I can’t physically wait. Please do anticipate a myriad of photos when I have him (he’s called Marty)! Ah!

P.S. It’s not a DeLorean unfortunately…

delorean-dmc-12-back-to-the-future-time-machine-delorean-back-to-the-future-time-machine-rear-view-smoke-exhaust-background

Life Experience

This 14th February, treat yo self

I always liked Valentine’s Day, the romance, the cutesy-ness, the flowers. Love is in the air, as they say at the end of Strictly Ballroom the Musical (my latest obsession).

And a few weeks ago the thought occurred to me that I’ll be single this Valentine’s Day for the first time in a few years. For about 0.5 seconds I felt sad, but then I remembered that the last few years haven’t been the most romantic experiences. In recent times I’ve bought my own flowers after being told I didn’t need any; a sweet aquarium trip meant for 2 turned into a busy group outing; and I’ve heard the actual words, “I’m going to let go of your hand before we go in so we don’t look like a couple.” That last one is my favourite.

If you’re single and think you’re going to be miserable around this Valentine’s period, take it as a day to treat yo self. Love yourself, and why not? Here are a few things that I think will guarantee a super time spent in your own company away from the faff of couples fighting for romantic restaurant tables:

  1. Clear at least an evening of any plans or work
  2. Line up a few of your favourite and most-loved films or TV shows
  3. Get in your favourite food, whether that’s something you love to cook, or ordering from the Chinese takeaway down the road
  4. Add some snacks to your shopping list – my favourites are cookies, shortbread, Magic Stars, Galaxy chocolate and Kettle Chips (maybe not all at once!)
  5. If you drink and, like me, love a good rose, get in some of your favourite alcohol that you wouldn’t normally have during the week

These are actually my plans for the day – absolute and pure relaxation. I might add in a facemask and new PJs somewhere…

This Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided that I’m going to get the most love ever, from me. I’m going to treat myself to some pretty daffodils and have a day where I can just be. Being single is definitely better than being unhappy, 100%.

You’re the best person that you know, so spend the 14th of February taking care of number 1, you deserve it!

Valentine’s Day isn’t just for the couples, it’s for singletons to self-love as well!tumblr_mgldye3mau1qeog6uo1_500

Life Experience, Uncategorized

Getting Back Up Again

I’ve been staring at this screen for a while. The last few weeks, I’ve loaded up WordPress with the intention of writing blog posts, but I always press the red cross. It’s not been worth it, writing. The truth of it is that for the last few months I have experienced the most horrific heartbreak I never thought possible for one human to feel. It meant that anything I wanted to write about was either depressingly miserable, or bitterly nasty. And what good would that do? That wouldn’t help anybody, especially myself and someone involved would likely call me out on it. I know that I’m not entitled to an opinion in this… oops.

emmastone

Sorry… ANYWAYS. I have taken now myself out of the situation. It was a very long time between the initial ‘incident’ and actually leaving the awful environment. It was actually only two months but it definitely felt like at least two years. If I had just one piece of advice for if  you are ever forced to live with your ex, it’s this: Don’t.

Just don’t do it. Get yourself out of that situation a.s.a.p. because it is bad for your mental and physical well being. (I have found actually that not many people are as unlucky as me to have to go through with this but it does happen.) I’ve felt like I’ve been going insane for the sad-girl-foot-in-water-black-and-whitelast few weeks, I’ve lost a lot of weight, had no appetite and have been sick and cried a lot. It has been horrendous. And the joke is, it could have been a lot, lot worse. But seeing your ex take up with you someone you live with really has to take the biscuit for things to break your heart. Painful doesn’t really cover it. Hurt doesn’t justify what I felt. Devastated does not even begin to describe the cavernous rip that tore through me…

But that’s not what this blog is about. This post is about the future and how things are starting to look up. I’ve started a Masters degree course at university, I’ve moved back in with my parents, I’m looking at starting driving lessons, I’m going to start swimming again, I’m making new friends, I’m meeting new people.

This blog is about however painful it is, and whatever heartbreak you’re going through whether that’s romantically or because of grief, work, trauma, anything, you will be okay. You are stronger than you think you are. Something I have come to realise is that you never know your true strength until that is all you have left. You might be collapsed on the floor, surrounded by tissues, your chest a gaping and bleeding raw wound. Your hair may be unwashed and you may not have eaten for 24 hours and you may be wearing the same pyjamas as you wore all day yesterday, but trust me when I say that things do get better. It will likely be one tiny step at a time, and the steps may be spread across weeks, but you will absolutely see an improvement in time. Nothing can hold you down so much that you can’t get back up again. Nothing.

bella-swan-twilight-series-26904138-500-208

As for me, I’m nowhere near healed yet, and I don’t think I’ll be back to my old self for a long time, but now that I am away from that awful situation, the real work can begin. If you are suffering, all I can say is keep the faith, believe in yourself and go on Pinterest looking for inspirational quotes because you will realise than that you are not alone. Knowing that there are other people going through similar things is a weird kind of comfort when you’re hurting.

tumblr_no01k1zg8s1upnym0o1_500

You just have to believe in yourself.

Life Experience, Music

Golden – Ruth B

 

I can’t get enough of these lyrics right now, from the song ‘Golden’ by Ruth B. YouTube link at the bottom  ❤

6976611-beach-sunset-girl-silhouette


The fire used to burn, all the words used to hurt

But you’re not like us, you are different
I couldn’t see that that was a compliment
Cause the last thing I want now is to be you
And the flames don’t feel as hot as they used to

Burn, burn, burn
They used to yell
You thought I was coal
My friend, I’m gold
Can’t you tell?

Burn, burn, burn
They used to yell
You thought I was coal
My friend, I’m gold
Can’t you tell?

Cause I’m not weak, I’m not broken I am bold
And the fire you put me through turned me into gold
I’m not done, I’m no loser
Watch me take on my bright future
Tonight I’m no bronze, I’m no silver
You’ll be thinking, damn I knew her
But you didn’t
Don’t get it twisted

Out of the ashes you buried me in
I, I am golden
I, I am golden

You tried so hard to break me down
Like a fire-breathing dragon, but I guess I took your crown
You pushed for me to change for you
But I’m so glad that I stayed true to who I am

Burn, burn, burn
They used to yell
You thought I was coal
My friend, I’m gold
Can’t you tell?

Burn, burn, burn
They used to yell
You thought I was coal
My friend, I’m gold
Can’t you tell?

Cause I’m not weak, I’m not broken I am bold
And the fire you put me through turned me into gold
I’m not done, I’m no loser
Watch me take on my bright future
Tonight I’m no bronze I’m no silver
You’ll be thinking, damn I knew her
But you didn’t
Don’t get it twisted

Out of the ashes you buried me in
I, I am golden
I, I am golden

The fire that you tried to burn me with, it made me who I am
All the things that you said I couldn’t do
Guess what, Yes I can

The fire that you tried to burn me with, it made me who I am
All the things that you said I couldn’t do
Guess what, Yes I can

Cause I’m not weak, I’m not broken I am bold
And the fire you put me through turned me into gold
I’m not done, I’m no loser
Watch me take on my bright future
Tonight I’m no bronze I’m no silver
You’ll be thinking damn I knew her
But you didn’t
Don’t get it twisted

Out of the ashes you buried me in
I, I am golden
I, I am golden, golden, gold
I, I am golden, golden, golden

Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 6

I have found beauty in time and feel like I have more, now that I’m not spending every possible second with you, craving your attention, dying for you to want to be with me. I was always ready for you, always available and because of that I wasted my moments.

Mindlessly wasting away in front of two television screens was not my idea of a happy ending, and I am glad that is over. I am glad I am free. I can do what I please, when I want to do it and it makes me really happy to think I don’t have to care about you anymore. I am caring only about me.

World

Behind the Scenes of Facebook

Daisy Ridley recently issued a warning on Instagram on the intensity of social media and the strive for perfection. It caught my eye on Facebook, through BBC Radio 1’s article and made me realise how intense social media can be.

golden_rules_of_being_engagedI’ve seen a flurry of engagements and babies, new cars and expensive shopping trips, as well as daily gym half-naked selfies and beautiful healthy meals plague my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feed. I’m so happy that all my friends are doing well and getting on, achieving their life goals at this stage, but it’s easy to get bogged down in the idea that other people have a better life than you.

 

That’s categorically untrue.

There is immense pressure on young people in particular when they are surrounded by perfect bodies, perfect skin and incredible social lives, to be as good as everyone else. What we see on social media is a heavily edited snippet of others’ lives – something that people have scrutinised over for a considerable time before publishing.

It’s a similar story with my job; as a social media…person..I have to be very careful with what I post on the companies’ Twitter and Facebook pages, to ensure a succinct and coherent message. Posts have to be unique, interesting, positive and have to prove to an audience that the company is very successful and useful to their clients.

People do exactly the same thing with their own personal profiles. They want to convey a specific message – some people even go as far as having their own themes on Instagram, meaning the stream of photos that they can post is even more limited.

superthumb

This is not to say that people don’t address negative issues on social media; people can be quite vocal when something bad has happened to them, as they need their friends’ support. People are quick to assume, however, that because a person’s feed is entirely positive that nothing bad is going on behind the scenes. They may be going through a break-up, or they may be facing severe stress at work that they don’t want to publicise, or they may just being going through a rough patch.

Of course, such things aren’t uploaded to Facebook, but instead are kept private. What makes a person feel better is posting joyful things that make them feel happy, as a sort of distraction from what is going on in the real world.

Can we call Facebook a distraction? Is that all it is rather than a real representation of people’s lives? Whether it is or it isn’t, it’s certainly putting pressure on the people that use it, but it’s important to remember (whatever age you are) that Facebook and other mediums are simply highlights of someone’s life and you shouldn’t feel the need to compare your behind the scenes to their show reel.

 

 

Misc., Writing

What it’s like having many things to write…

It is wearing a ball gown while wading through the thickest waist-high mud for miles and miles

Needing to light a hundred feet tall candle with one little match and no ladder

A thousand bees inside a small, metal box with one coin-sized hole

Seeing the finish line before the starting gun goes off

Trying a particular lipstick and it changing into another shade by midday

Sticky notes that keep falling off the wall and disappearing between the floorboards

Your dad’s heavy denim jacket that you will never grow into

Turning the volume up as high as it will go and still straining to hear the music

Eating until you are full and still feeling like you are starving

Waiting for the knock on the door when you’re sitting in a meadow

It is reaching the other side of the bridge before you have set one foot on it to cross.

I always want to write, every minute of every day, and I always have ideas in my head. Ideas that might be big, and they might last for no longer than two seconds. They’re all still there, and they’re all very loud and blinding.

When they are small, it’s hard to justify the effort to put them onto paper.

And when they are big stories that are bouncing around in my head, that are so complicated, I would need to sit in silence for a week to even grasp them with both hands.

Sometimes there is no motivation to write anything, fictional or otherwise. Sometimes this site goes neglected and unloved for weeks at a time. And sometimes I can’t stop. Sometimes it’s unhealthy when I stay awake until the small hours, scribbling by lamplight.

All to often, the desire to write plagues me but my body refuses. Together, we make the decision not to pick up the pen and notebook. We can’t even use an app on the tablet. But the stories are there. The characters are screaming at me inside my head to let them out, but I can’t always release them.

I have never finished a project. Starting to write so young meant that my language was soft and poor. Looking at it now makes me cringe and I could never submit that anywhere, so it is added to the pile. I’m sure that pile is taller than me by now.

There is a colourful rush that comes with writing and a relief, as though eliminating a headache and making room in my head. I’ll never stop, no matter who comes along and degrades my work, because I write for me and no one else.

 

 

 

 

Life Experience

#happiness is here

Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at the world’s latest addition to the collective: Marketing Interns.

I’ve done it, I’ve finally done it! It’s been a hard roller coaster since I started applying for marketing positions back in the early months of 2015 and there have been a lot of sad and beaten down moments that I’ve gone through. I’ve had four big interviews in total and it turns out 4 is my lucky number!

I’ll get to be involved in all the company’s social media, blogging, video making – absolutely anything that I can throw my creativity at.

I’m so horrendously excited and so, so happy that I’m finally getting on with my career. I’ll be keeping my job at the clothes shop as a part timer – because I do actually like it there (even though I don’t want to be a sales assistant forever..) and I can’t wait to get started! I thought 2015 was turning out to be a bit of a bummer, but now this has come around, and Sam and I have also booked a trip to Iceland! How wonderfully exciting!!

Everything’s coming up Millhouse!