Life Experience

Two Choices

It’s no secret that life throws plenty of opportunities at you to be sad, miserable and down. ‘Oh woe is me, why is the world against me, what did I ever do to deserve this?’ The truth is, you probably did nothing to deserve the hardship and the pitfalls that are dealt to you and at times it can feel like it’s just you against the world.

When something goes wrong you have two options, just two. You can turn away from everything that has happened and hide, you can pretend amongst the tears and the panic attacks that everything is actually okay and that if you protect yourself with cotton wool, you will be fine. You can run away from the trauma, guard yourself and build high walls to make sure you won’t get hurt again.

Or you can confront the pain head-on. You can stare it in its beady black eye and understand it, why it’s come for you specifically. It might not reveal any of its reasons or let you in on its secrets, but by facing it you can be damned sure that you can push past it and move forward.

It’s easy to hide and it’s easy to shut down, to close yourself off from the world around you. It’s most definitely a surefire way of protecting yourself, we all know that. But ultimately, it’s also the death of you. You can’t grow as an individual without taking on challenges willingly or otherwise, and you will never learn more about who you are by turning your back and running away.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to be sad and upset, because when you bottle your real emotions – men and women – it makes everything 100x worse. But there should always come a natural point where you decide what to do next, and that’s the crucial moment. Do you blanket yourself and try to smooth over the cracks that have appeared? Or do you stand up with your head high, borrow some glue from someone who supports you and take a leap of faith?

Well I took the glue, and I would choose to take a leap of faith every time. You don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, nobody does, and it’s really scary to throw yourself into the unknown alone like that. But me, I wouldn’t do it any differently. I didn’t hide and here I am, Brittany v2.0, and I will continue to not hide every time a difficult challenge comes along. I want to confront life and take control of what happens to me and of how I feel, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do from now on.

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Education, Entertainment, Film, University

Never Stop Dreaming

If working in school has taught me one thing so far, it’s that I don’t want to be a teacher.

Bear with me.

Yet.

Working with kids here has made me realise that I’m not ready to teach yet, I’m not ready to pass on the knowledge that I have to the next generation. I’m 22 and I still want to learn myself. I feel like I should be the one sitting behind a desk, absorbing what somebody says and either agreeing or challenging it. I’m still selfish. I still want to progress my knowledge, not somebody else’s. I still want to learn about the world (of film) and find out everything that I can. I want to come out of education with more than just a degree.

Now, before you bite my head off some people are ready to teach by the time they pop out of uni. They’re raring to go, to enhance the teenagers and children of today. But not me. Yet, anyway. I don’t know. I’ll be honest here, because what is a blog without honesty? I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know if I want to be a teacher, or a filmmaker, or a writer, or in marketing or what. I just don’t know. I do know that I want to lead my learning even further and broaden my options even more because my plan, as it currently stands, is to try as much as possible and take every opportunity that I can.

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Woah there. What a turn this has taken. Here I am, in the midst of writing about what I want to do with my education and I have literally just received an email telling me that the course is being cancelled….um awkward…

Now what? That was going to be my one reason for staying in York, for progressing my knowledge and love for film. And it’s just been halted right within a few seconds. If that wasn’t a punch to the gut then I don’t know what is. Talk about being at a loss for what to do now…

I’ve run out of steam. I’m deflated. I suppose I’ll sign off now and find another way to resolve my career crisis. Um, yeah……

Maybe you should update your website or something so people don’t get their hopes up…

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