Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 6

I have found beauty in time and feel like I have more, now that I’m not spending every possible second with you, craving your attention, dying for you to want to be with me. I was always ready for you, always available and because of that I wasted my moments.

Mindlessly wasting away in front of two television screens was not my idea of a happy ending, and I am glad that is over. I am glad I am free. I can do what I please, when I want to do it and it makes me really happy to think I don’t have to care about you anymore. I am caring only about me.

Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 5

It’s sad really, that you needed to leave.

It’s sad that your heart wasn’t strong enough to stay, that you didn’t have the willpower to fix things, or to open up space in your heart to fit me.

It’s sad that you have felt this for a long time, that you pretended all was well.

It’s sad that you have led a lie for the last few months.

It’s sad that you were not brave enough to face your feelings when you first saw them. It’s sad that you waited for the ‘perfect moment’, as though I was just a pawn in your game.

It’s sad that you think in logistics, not emotions.

It’s sad that you don’t hurt, when you have caused pain to the person you have claimed you care about the most.

It’s sad that your reasons were ‘in my best interests’Β and it’s sad that you don’t realise how much better you have made my life since you left.

 

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Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 4

I was really shocked when you left. Devastated, in fact. I cried for hours. I was sick and unwell.

My heart bled and my chest had caved in. I have a hole in my heart, where you used to be. But I have been patching the edges of the hole back together, and now there is no room for you anymore.

My heart is for me and the people around me; my family and my friends have my heart. Your piece is grey and dry and crumbles beneath your touch.

You are not really anything to me now, other than a back hole that I have almost finished fixing.

 

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Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 3

We had hit a routine.

We did the same thing every day for the last year, I think.

You are not adventurous, but I am. I long to see new things, to learn more about the world, but you find it comforting to know that in this day and age you have no need to go outside.

You don’t care for the world like I do and that is why I am so glad you left and gave me back my life and

My dreams.

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Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 2

It takes a long time to heal, a long time to get over something so heartbreaking, something so carelessly painful. It takes a long time to realise you don’t love them anymore, or need them.

I will grieve for as long as it takes, but know that I am on the road to recovery.

I am not weak, I am just fallen, but I will soon stand tall again.

 

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Life Experience, Writing

Only Me: Part 1

To think you were my life for more than two years and now you are not…

But I don’t feel…

I cried when you left and I did not stop for 48 hours

And then I realised
That I am strong.

I don’t need someone like you to justify me
I don’t need you.

I will miss you, your humour, your face, your warmth.

But I will not cry for you again.

Because I am strong.
And I don’t need you.

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Misc.

Daffodils

The sun comes pouring through the window after endless months of hibernation, the wood of the window frame creaking under the warmth. The glass heats up and becomes a sheet of transparent energy as the light glares through, bathing the room in a sumptuous glow of gold. Daffodils, yesterday just green papery buds, today blooming folds of yellow and orange. Gracefully, they dance open and smile at the sunshine, grateful for the heat and the power of the golden ball consuming the sky. Resting amid a tropical blue sky, it cleanses the soul of the emerald earth with its heavenly radiance, bright and shimmering, bringing life along with it. The daffodils sigh as they bathe in the glory of the sun, stretching out to its streaming rays, relishing in the long lost light.

Decorative vases of daffodils