Misc.

1st March

Hi, me again.

I’m currently sitting over a steaming cup of black coffee, inhaling it in the hope that that will wake me up so I don’t actually have to drink it.

I had one of those nights where you fall asleep and then feel like you’ve woken up after a minute.

I think I slept, but I definitely don’t feel like it.

I’ve tried herbal tea already but that’s just resulted in upwards of 5 trips to the bathroom.

I’m still watching Pretty Little Liars. It’s a slow process but I’m getting there.

Peace out.

 

Life Experience, Misc.

Feeling Pants is Normal

I’ve been reasonably quiet recently and that’s not because I’m having a whale of a time being awesome and adventurous; I’m currently in the middle of working through a 6 day week.

I’ve never experienced exhaustion like this before. It’s strange because I feel like I shouldn’t be tired. The most hours that I work a day are 6 and work is only a fifteen minute walk away (unlike when I worked at school and travelled 40 minutes each way),  yet I’m really, really struggling to function and stay alert. I’ve put it down to the fact that I’m not necessarily in a job that I want. It’s hard working towards goals that you don’t want, that you never saw yourself doing. It’s always difficult after graduating from university – you’re filled with so much ambition and think that with a degree everything is going to fall into place and your ideal career is just waiting for you. It isn’t. It works out for some people, but for most, like me, it hasn’t so far. That could be why I feel so pants lately. Who knows.

What I need is to chug a Starbucks (conveniently next door) and push on. Something good better happen soon before I give up!

Peace out.

Education, Life Experience, World

Epiphanies of 2015

I previously told you my New Year’s resolutions, things like get into shape, learn to drive, the usuals, y’know. But I think the biggest one of all that I didn’t even write down on that list is that I’m going to change my outlook on life. Wutt, what does that even mean? Okay *deep breath* here goes.

Before Christmas, probably 6 or so weeks before, I really started to get down about life. I mean, what’s the point when you spend what feels like more than half your life at work? Get up at 5:45, have an hour journey to work, work 8 hours, wait two hours to go home and then all of a sudden it’s bedtime and you have to be up again bright (or not in December) and early in the morning to do it all again. I just started to look at my life as though I wasn’t happy and the only time I would be happy was when I was with family or friends, doing my own thang, in York or otherwise. I hated getting up every single day to go to work (I do like work, I just have other things in life that I prefer to do, like, y’know, shopping…) and come home just to scoff dinner and then go to sleep. I didn’t see anyone outside of work and I couldn’t spend my time relaxing or getting on with hobbies that I like.

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I loved the freedom at uni, just being able to, I dunno, go to Tesco at midnight, or go watch a film in the evening, or sleep til I was no longer tired. Being at uni was free, despite the assignments and the hard work, it’s essentially still your choice to do what you please and when. That’s what got me – the time. Everything is scheduled, do this at exactly 11:20, you may not eat until 13:20 and it’s like that in most jobs, some places even worse (restaurant peeps, am I right). I was adamant that as soon as I had enough money I would set up my own little business or start writing for realz and work from home (which is still an ambition of mine, but it’s not exactly a burning desire anymore). Life was just getting too much. I can’t tell you how painful it is (although you probably know all too well) getting up in the dark, travelling in the dark, being stuck inside all day and then going home in the dark. It’s not like working down a mine or anything, but it sure can feel like it sometimes.

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And then after Christmas, I realised how morbidly depressing I’ve been. I realised that I was taking things far too seriously and needed to lighten up – the job I have is challenging, there’s no two ways about it, but it’s not as difficult as a lot of customer service jobs. I can, essentially, do my own thing and work how I want to, provided that I’m in the right place at the right time. I must have had an epiphany or something of the sort because I suddenly understood why I’d been so unhappy. I’d looked at travelling to work as a negative – ‘ugh, don’t wanna go’ – whereas I should have been looking at it like ‘it’s a really clear morning, such fresh air, wow’. I need to take everything just one hour at a time, rather than a day, because my days are so jam packed of stuff to do that I get bogged down in it all and constantly live in the near future; I’m always three or four hours ahead. I used to look at the clock when I got home and knew I had only three and a half hours before I should go to bed. I knew I had only 6 hours to sleep. I used to think at the end of the day ‘in two hours’ time I’ll be home…if we’re not late…’. This wasn’t good for me. At all. This way of thinking makes the days unattractive and bulky.

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I guess my mission statement would read ‘Take every hour as it comes and think of the positives things that I’m going to achieve.’ Because even though there may be no major achievements that day, there are always minor ones. Maybe I got a pupil to write one more sentence than they did the other day, maybe I had a teacher smile on me on the corridor, maybe I managed to help someone, I don’t know. The achievement of this hour? I’ve written this. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, about how I’m trying really hard to change my mindset, because it’s not easy at all. It’s actually really difficult because, of course, life gets in the way as per. Bad things to happen and things do go wrong. There are stresses in the world that we can’t avoid, sometimes as simple as someone not replying to an email when we’d like but they’re there to make us stronger. I think, anyway.

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Christmas has really lightened my spirits about things (don’t know how long it’s gonna last, like, she says) and I’m really trying hard not to get upset or down over everything. It seems to be working, I feel more awake, more aliveeee. Hehe. Taking each hour as it comes probably wouldn’t work for everyone, but it’s working for me and will feel like it’s prolonging my life because omg hours have just been flying past this last three years and I’ve barely noticed…I’m 22, I still feel 19. Eek.

(The pictures are to break up the post because it’s kinda serious and we all like cute animals, right?)

Life Experience, Misc., World

Christmas Inspiration

I’m at a real loss here, but I haven’t posted in a few days and I have to say something. Only what? The majority of my inspiration comes from working in a secondary school and as it’s the holidays, I’m struggling with interesting things to tell!

But anyway, Christmas has come and gone and I think I’ve been on a festive high for the last three days: Christmas round three was today. Three days of massive dinners (courtesy of my lovely mum), family, friends and party games has left me exhausted and wondering what more there is to life. It’s snowed, it’s frozen and it’s tired me out.

Christmas Day was wonderful, we all love it. I received more amazing presents than I expected or can count and it was lovely to see people’s face light up when they opened my gifts. It’s just a happy time of year, isn’t it??

I will say though, before I wrap this up like a Christmas present (hahahaha) I’m not a huge fan of party games….they bore me….and I get sad when I don’t win….and, again, they just bore me. Which is the opposite of what a game does but there you go.

I’m going to bed now. I’m knackered. I’m done, gonna hibernate now until the 5th which is when school starts again….

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Education, Life Experience

Advent

I opened my chocolate (after work, not at 6am I’m afraid) and thought yes, Christmas is in sight. Less than three weeks now until the end of term and then the festivities can begin. We have some sort of festivities this week because Friday is a glorious day off and my plan is to relax, recharge and thrive on the fact that I’m not in school. (Still loving school btw…). But I’m tired. The teachers are tired and the kids are tired. And it shows. A lot. Everyone is absolutely done and waiting for Christmas.

For me, it’ll probably really hit home when we play a Christmas film for Film Club next week when I’m sitting there with the wonderful aroma of popcorn and the idea that there really isn’t much time left. Of course, it does fly. Seems a world away since I started working at Brigshaw, even since I finished uni. And then graduation flew past, with my 22nd birthday and all of a sudden Christmas is coming with full force.

Aahh! Crazy.

So with 24 days to go, less than three weeks and a load of presents to buy on not much money I’m kinda on a weird buzz. A buzz that says yes it’s coming, it’s this time of year again (my favourite) and the Christmas jumpers are coming out imminently. Happy, stressed and tired. Wonderful.

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Education, World

Sunday Blues

Sunday is not my favourite day. Sure, it’s a great day to stay in bed until 11am – rebel – and to keep sad_elsa_by_televue-d7n3th1the PJs on all day but it’s also the time when I start mentally preparing myself for the week ahead. For a lot of teachers, Sunday is the day to complete the car boot-full of marking that they had lugged home so within education, it’s not particularly a day of rest at all.

Yesterday, my day consisted of going into town to buy Millie’s cookies and then sitting in the living room watching Frozen together. What a fab film. Don’t you think? And that was it. In the evening I got the train home to save myself an hour in bed Monday morning – see?? Planning ahead! That’s all Sunday is for, it’s a useless time of the week. Makes me kinda miserable as well because I know the weekend is over and it’s back to the grind in less than 24 hours…It’s such a pessimistic view to have, I’m so sorry, I’ll just like leave now…Probz go watch Frozen again tonight.

Life Experience, University

Student Ambassador!

Yesterday I had my very first shift as a student ambassador at an open day at my uni and first impressions? It’s bloody exhausting! I don’t think I’ve ever been as tired in my life, it felt worse than the jet lag I experienced travelling to Australia. I was really nervous to start with, I didn’t know what to expect which is one of the things that I really hate. I like to know what I’m doing, I hate going into something not knowing exactly what’s going to happen, which is mostly why I don’t like the theatre.

I started out helping around with putting up signs and banners and I was then put on my first post greeting peeps and pointing them in the right direction. By this point it was raining – great – but it wasn’t normal rain, it was very fine and light and horrible. After chatting to one of my tutors for a while about how I’d been awake since 6 and was wishing for better weather, I was put onto my second post which was a little ginnel between two of the accommodation sites. It was my job to run between these two sites making sure people weren’t getting lost on their way to each place. This meant doing lots of dashing about and chatting and smiling to people. It’s a lot of hard work. No, really. But it was an awesome experience talking to prospective students and their lovely parents. I found out that one of them plays cricket in my home village. Crazy small world.

It really was a great day, as shattered as I was, it was great to meet new ambassadors, New students, parents and a couple of tutors. I love talking to new people and even though I was a bit nervous about it, I found it really easy. Definitely looking forward to Wednesday’s shift now…well maybe not the early start. It’ll be worth it. I’ll probably just crash at Sam’s afterwards, sounds about right 🙂

I hope you enjoyed my actual like-a-blog-blog-post today, first time I’ve written about anything worthwhile haha.

🙂